A gentleman in his late 70’s, who has been married for over three decades voiced a common impression about “woman” nature when he said, ‘I have just come to realise that there is still so much I am yet to learn about my wife,’ due to a shocking discovery he made about his spouse a few days earlier.
Is it true that a man never fully knows what his woman is capable of? Maybe that explains why John Gray, an expert in Communications and relationships, fastidiously titled his best-selling book, ‘Men are from Mars, women are from Venus (Harper Collins 1992).’
Could this really be all that there is to the matter of male and female behaviour? Is it indeed a case of the North and South poles that never meet?
Everyone who desires a thriving relationship must understand that the mal Iie and the female are intricately different in constitution, physiology and psyche, and these facts must be put into consideration when dealing with matters of the opposite sex. It is certainly not a case of “no agreement today, and no agreement tomorrow,” as the late Afrobeat maestro succinctly puts it. The gender differences do not make either of the two, more superior to the other. They are simply traits that determine behavioural patterns. It is our response to these behaviours that counts depending on our understanding of the opposite.
In physics, we are told that opposite poles attract while like poles repel. For human beings, a man tends to admire what he either likes or lacks. It is only natural for a quiet individual to feel fascinated by, and consequently, attracted to a quiet female or vice versa. The inquisition inherent in a man (male or female) makes him/ her in a weak position against something he does not have the capacity for (I stand to be corrected). When there is an attraction between the opposite sex, the gender compliment each other as one’s weakness becomes the area of strength for the other. If well managed, a harmonious symbiosis could result in a case in which both individuals immediately achieve a symphony.
Couples in marriage must learn to turn their attention from things they can barely tolerate areas of strength that can be celebrated, to appreciate the other party. These areas of strength must be highlighted so much so that the weaknesses become less significant. When this has been successfully carried out, a time comes when mutual understanding is achieved effortlessly and acceptance replaces what was previously termed unbearable. It also creates a willingness to learn the love language, which refers to what an individual perceives or interprets to mean love. This is relative since it differs from one individual to another.
A lady may prefer to receive gifts as an expression of love from her partner, while another may see gifts as being unduly materialistic and instead, appreciate the attention and time her man spends with her more than anything else in the whole world! It really depends on what condition the woman finds herself. The same goes for the man. The need for affirmation is probably the most essential requirement for most men because of their psychological make-up. The man feels a general need to be in charge and get applauded for decisions he takes, while at it. Others may appreciate gifts, depending on their unique experiences in life, backgrounds, exposure, values and ideals. Either way, both genders are unique in their individual ways. Every relationship can work if opposites are well handled.
God the author of relationships, said of man, your thoughts are different from my thoughts as far as the heaven is from the earth. Yet, He has been able to maintain an ultimate union with man. If the Divine could achieve perfect union with mortals, the gap between mortals can be bridged. It means it is possible for us to handle opposites in the right manner, no matter how badly the relationship has deteriorated. The wisest and surest way to achieve this is to invite The Lord Himself having fulfilled all human conditions, which is, to accept, appreciate, and celebrate the uniqueness of the other gender. The God factor becomes necessary in playing down the weaknesses and building on the good side.
Opposites are not in themselves bad; imagine how monotonous and boring life will be if we were all alike. It would be such a predictable world if your partner, friend or male and female child behaved just the way you expect them to.
Don’t be deceived, no one can lay claims to being a self-made man because someone assisted him, taught him, advised him or gave him that life-changing opportunity along the way, to prove himself. From the cradle to the grave, we need opposites to bring balance into our lives and make us healthy individuals.
Nature’s opposite creates a balance for our world. The water cycle is responsible for what we know as the atmosphere. That which we exhale is what plants inhale. The interdependence in nature is endless and man finds his place at the centre of it all. Whatever he lacks is locked up in his mate somewhere.
Man was put to sleep while the woman was being created so, men are right when they say they know very little about women. Woman was God’s initiative to man’s lonely state, for He said, it is not good for man to be alone. God, knowing the frame of the woman He created commands that man should deal with her according to knowledge even as Christ deals with His bride, the church. Whenever you are at a loss as to how to handle your opposite, remember, that the Holy Spirit is there as a helper and teacher.
Both genders need understanding in dealing with one another in other to be all that God has called them to be.
(Original Article Published by Gem Woman Magazine Vol 1. No. 3, July/August 2007)