I think it started with my right hand-man and associate Femi Aladesanmi and gradually caught on. Dad has become the most common nickname I have in our ministry today. Having pastored for 35 years this September, the titles and nicknames started with Pastor to Reverend or Rev or Revo, to Baba (father in our native Yoruba language of Nigeria) and now to Dad.

I suspect it came out of my teaching that Dad is the closest counterpart of the Hebrew ‘Abba’ in teaching Romans 8:15. While Dad and Father usually refer to the same person, the word Dad is a more intimate one and is used usually in a nuclear family setting. The preference of my spiritual children to use it must stem from their preference for that sense of closeness and intimacy with me. Other appellations must feel quite distant for them.

However, on a more serious note, it places a sense of responsibility on me. Quite similar to carrying the responsibility of fathering my biological children, being called Dad is accompanied by a weight of expectation on the part of the caller, a weight I feel spiritually and emotionally. Realizing my mortality tends to give me concerns at times, a concern that I do not let them down due to my own human frailties. There is no perfect father anywhere except our Heavenly Father and so we mortals can only try our very best to nurture others rightly.

As a father of four adult children today, I often reflect on and wonder how successful I truly am at my God given assignment to parent my biological and spiritual children. Certain memories and outcomes make me feel like I did let them down and at other times I feel so fulfilled. The same goes for the thousands of spiritual children who have passed through by pastoral oversight. I often judge myself by the outcome of such people and at other times I feel like I cannot be totally responsible for failures just like I cannot for successes.

It was however very encouraging to have Pastor Tim Femi Oladipo in my Lagos office yesterday sharing about Fathering with me. How blessed I was to spend the time with him as we discussed this all-important subject matter that really tugs at the hearts of both of us incessantly. His new book THE INTENTIONAL FATHER will certainly equip a lot of men for the onerous task of parenting their children and ministers of the gospel will be more equipped to parent their spiritual sons and daughters too.

A father is a Source and Sustainer according to the Hebrew language. Biblically, he is the foundation of the family just as the family is the foundation for the society. The devil is very much after the male man because of his role. As it goes with the foundation, so does it with the building. The foundation carries the weight of the building and so the psalmist rightly opened that if the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do? (Psalm 11:3). Every foundation is highly burdened but in engineering practice, it is designed to throw the weight on the soil on which it is built. Consequently, every father should learn how to throw the weight of his responsibilities on the everlasting Father who bears us up in His mighty arms.

Like Pastor Tim shared with me yesterday and also in his book, many fathers are products of childhood trauma that has not been healed. Unfortunately, many times, the impact of the trauma is in a blind spot that is not obvious to the father and he passes it to his children unknowingly or makes them bear the brunt of it. Only a healed father can be exempt from this and so it is pertinent that we engage in a lot of soul searching with the help of the Holy Spirit.

There are also Christian counsellors and therapists who under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, can employ their psychological skills to help people identify and heal from such wounds. Sins, habits, attitudes and behaviours are not only genetically passed down but also by precepts and examples. Our character will not only affect us but also generations after us. It is pertinent that we carry that sense of responsibility and allow it to shape our values.

When as a spiritual father you do not know how to handle a situation, look to your own Heavenly Father. He is the greatest and the best. His example will shine light on our path and impart the wisdom we need. We cannot follow Him and fail. Love permeates all that He does towards His children. Always selfless, generous and kind, His justice and judgements also flow out of His love. Every time He judges in order to restrain evil on the earth, He does it out of love also. In His judgements, He also remembers mercy because He cannot deny Himself. He is love and mercy personified. His Word and His love will guide us to success and we need not despair. The Spirit of the Father is within you and you will not fail.

Victor Adeyemi