Our young marriage was only five years old (now twenty-seven) when I realized that I was no longer in love. For several days I searched my heart for the warm feelings with which I entered into wedlock just a few years before but alas, they were nowhere to be found. I panicked at this realization because I wondered how I would survive the following fifty to sixty years when as it were, the matrimonial vehicle had ran out of fuel.
I had entertained the fear of not lasting in marriage due to boredom as a teenager. My crushes were fleeting and friendships with females remained only at surface levels. Within months, beauty faded in my sight, glitters vanished and attraction turned to repulsion. However, I had gotten ‘saved’ and changed into a new creation and believed it shouldn’t be so anymore. Could it be that salvation could only keep me in love for eight years (including courtship)?
My panic turned to prayer and one morning I entered my study for morning devotion as usual. As I prayed, my attention turned to the hundreds of books in my study and I told the Lord, ‘I believe the answer is in one of these books. Lead me to the right one’.
Soon enough, I was prompted to pick up a book and it fell open to a chapter titled ‘when the wine runs out’. I immediately began to read and discovered some of the following:
1. Almost all married people will lose their feelings of affection sometimes along the journey of marriage. It may happen within the first five years and it may take twenty years. If you therefore feel like that, you are not alone and should realize it is common to man.
2. It is a temporary feeling and so should not lead to a permanent decision. People walk out of marriages because of such transient experiences only to realize they made unnecessary mistakes.
3. It is often caused by stress. The stress of everyday life, care of young children, grief as a result of a painful loss, financial difficulties and the like. As soon as you come up with a plan to relieve the stress, the fire of love revives.
4. Unresolved issues and conflicts often cause that loss of sensitivity to our true feelings. Our affections for our spouses are covered by hurts, anger and resentment. Resolve conflicts and watch the butterflies fly again in your belly.
5. Lack of a maintenance of our ‘Spirit-filled experiences’ may cause us to be extremely ‘carnally minded’ and that requires spending time in prayer and affirmation of our love for our spouses. Affirm that you love your spouse with the love of God and that love will rise up from your heart and dominate your feelings (Romans 5.5).
When the wine ran out at the wedding in Cana of Galilee, Jesus was the solution who made water turn into wine. Impossible marital situations can turn around and joy can be restored if rather than jump out in panic, we turn to Jesus with hearts that are ready to do ‘whatever He tells us to do’. Mary knew her son so well, and advised the people to obey Him. Jesus saved the day, covered their shame and restored joy (John 2). He will do the same for you if only you will turn to him when the wine runs out.