It was so refreshing hanging out with our last daughter recently. Time with family is so special and time alone with a son or daughter is even more special. Life is transient and we have to be grateful for the opportunity to share it with others. We must be intentional about making memories together with family. As fathers and mothers, we will not always be around. As sons and daughters, we will not always have our parents with us. Every day since July 19, 2024, I have missed my father. I asked someone, ‘How do you delete your father’s name from your phone?’ You simply leave it there knowing he will never call you but you never want to delete his name from your contact list. I realise this dilemma will be that of my children someday. It’s the memories we made together that will be left with them.

In spiritual parenting, we must value the time we spend together. The Lord Jesus Christ in calling the twelve apostles to share in His ministry called them first to ‘be with Him’ and then that He might send them forth to preach (Mark 3:13-15). Being with Jesus would transform them into the character and competence of Jesus Christ and then they would go and do the works of Jesus. As biological children are raised in home strings, giving them the opportunity to learn by precepts and examples, so is it with spiritual children. They learn from teachings and apprenticeship in deliberate training and by immersion through picking up attributes, attitudes, and practices unconsciously. This takes intentionality

‘Don’t go, stay with us,’ our first daughter said to me as I began to pack my luggage for another international trip about twenty years ago. ‘Daddy will buy new dresses and gifts for you,’ I replied, trying to use that to distract her. ‘I don’t want gifts, I want you,’ she said. Her values were clear at that point. Children value their parents spending time with them above the gifts they buy them and the education they afford them.

The truth is that if they feel loved as children, they will bond with their parents and grow up with a strong sense of self-worth and healthy self-esteem. To their young minds, the pursuit of wealth, ministry, career and other things above quality time with them communicates preference and value for those other things above them and means those things are truly more important than them. We must make children realize they are our priority.

‘I am already committed to the people I am going to preach to. It will take me two weeks and when I return, I promise I will not travel for another 3 months,’ I bargained. She agreed and as much as I love evangelistic travels, I cleared my schedule and stayed with the family for three months without travelling. When the agreed-upon time was nearly up, I reminded her a few weeks ahead and got her permission to travel. We remain very close to this day that she is an adult woman who has left home and that remains true for all the children. Their outcomes give their mum and me great joy but we were intentional. Their mum hardly missed any presentation at school, open day, or church presentation. I missed a few of them but attended most.

On the other hand, we have developed a style of Christianity that is not intentional about spending time with people. Ministry is all about the people we serve and not about us. Pastors, in particular, must be approachable and accessible. Once I noticed myself traveling a lot, I would usually know it was time to prayerfully handover a pastorate to someone else who would be a present shepherd. Shepherds are always with the flock.

Being present is not all there is to being a true dad but being intentional about reproducing ourselves in people (2 Timothy 2:2). This task of reproducing reproducers is what the local church is about. The great commission is simply to reproduce other disciples of Christ and ourselves after the same pattern that Christ did (Matthew 28:18-20). It’s to raise those who hang out with us but through us hang out with Jesus (1 Corinthians 11:1). The Christ life within us must be clearly manifest in our loving lifestyles, holiness of character, and supernatural evangelism. It was at Antioch that the appellation ‘Christian’ was first used for disciples of Christ by Gentiles. It was a description of how they reflected Christ (Acts 11:26). It was similar to the observation that the chief priest and Sanhedrin made of Peter and John in Acts 4:13.

Parenting places a responsibility on us. Children learn more from our examples than from our teaching. Both biological and spiritual children must be able to transform into the character of Christ through our teachings and more so the influence of our lifestyles on them. I am eternally grateful for the influences of several mentors upon my life like Bishop David Oyedepo, Bishop Felix Adejumo, Pastor Jk Saliu, my brother, Rev Sam Adeyemi, and late Uncle, Dr Moji Adeyemi, from whom I have learnt over the years. Chief among them, however, is Rev George Adegboye with whom I had the opportunity of intimate association for 10 years and who has remained a spiritual father to me for 40 years. I have learnt by precept and example from him over the years and it has been transformational. I have extended the same privilege to many others and continue to do so to this day.

Every Pastor and minister must do this and inspire believers within their influence to do the same. It is a huge responsibility but God’s grace is greater than the task. As for our biological children, they will definitely follow the same example as my wife and I are already witnessing with how our grandchildren are being raised.

Victor Adeyemi